Happiness 101

“Seek not to change the World, but choose to change your mind about the World” – A Course In Miracles

Article By Andrea

We’ve heard it before right, that happiness comes from the inside. That money and fast cars won’t make you happy. But how do we know? I mean I FEEL happy when I get that new car, or when all my bills are paid and there’s still some money left over, don’t I?

Of course I feel good…but when we talk about happiness, we don’t really mean fleeting happiness. When we think about happiness, we mean lasting happiness; the kind of happiness that doesn’t go away when you lose everything. How long do external circumstances really keep you happy; until the money is gone? Until someone cuts you off on the freeway or until that new car smell disappears? With everyone from our President to our next door neighbor reminding us about what difficult times we are in, its a good time to ask ourselves how we create lasting happiness in our lives right now.

Here are a few things that have really helped me throughout the years to bring about a lasting feeling of peace and contentment, in my everyday life, despite external circumstances.

Don’t sweat the small stuff… I know this sounds really cliche but let me tell you it can be a daily lifesaver. One technique I try use for this is my “5 Year Rule”. It goes like this… say someone cuts you off on the freeway, and you feel angry, then you stop, and you ask yourself “will this guy cutting me off right now make a difference in my life in 5 years?” You’d be hard pressed to find a time when you can genuinely answer yes to that question… which leads me to my next tip.

Perspective. Ask yourself if there is another possibility than the one you are assuming as truth. Try to look at things from all possible angles. Just allowing an additional possibility into your mind can create a sense of uncertainty which can dissolve negative emotion on the spot. For instance your first instinct when that new guy at the water cooler gives you a dirty look is to think that he doesn’t like you. Try to ask yourself if its possible that he is just having a bad day, or maybe that he is shy or overwhelmed by the new position. If you can allow the possibility of not knowing, its much easier to move on with your day and be happy.

Compassion is a wonderful resource available to us, especially in our personal relationships. As a Buddhist, and an Ordained Minister, you had to know I would talk about this at some point (and probably will again). For me its the easiest to be compassionate when I am able to view not only myself, but others as “human”. To me that means understanding that we are all allowed to make mistakes and that we are all perfect, in that we are flawed. I know for me personally, when I am able to see someones “humanness”, something changes inside of me. I remember times when maybe I have felt the same, or when I have even done the same thing. In remembering those and remembering our own paths, we can learn to be compassionate of others and ourselves.

This entire compassion concept reminds me of a Buddhist philosophy known as Maitri. It can be translated to mean “Unconditional Love for One Self” and I think it needs its own paragraph here. Self-love is probably the most important factor in creating lasting happiness. Maitri is not just unconditional love, but gentleness toward yourself, as you would be with a child who has fallen, as they are just learning to walk. Its not angry or self-loathing. It’s not superior or inferior for that matter. Its gentle, its loving, and its ALWAYS kind. If we can learn to be kind to ourselves, happiness is bound to follow. All too often I see that people really are their own worst critics. More love and kindness in the World starts from right here, in your very own mirror.

Now lets not forget that nasty 10 letter word, “attachment”. I don’t necessarily mean things, or material objects as much as I mean ideas, concepts and outcomes. If you want to be unhappy, start being attached to the way things are “supposed to be”. There will always be times when things aren’t ideal and there will be times that things are. Try to do things for the joy of doing them, including going to work, or being in a relationship, or going to the gym. If you can love every moment of whatever it is you are doing, then if the outcome isn’t exactly what you imagined, its not really a let down. Its a lot easier to stay happy when you let the journey be the prize.

Focus on the positive… at every moment in your life, there are always things that bring you down, and things that bring you up. If a difficult situation is pressing, notice it, and then let it go. When you find that you are heading in a downward spiral of listing the negatives, try to force yourself to make a written list of positives. Train your brain to focus on the “Happy.”  You can call it your “Happy List” and really write those positive things down on paper. This will give you something visual to look at. If you have the pleasure of reading this, chances are you have running water, a roof over your head and a handful of people that love you.

Lastly, find ways to be in the moment. The only thing that is true and real is this very moment. This morning has already happened, and it only lives in your mind and thoughts if you let it. Tomorrow isn’t here and again, only lives in your mind. Be here now, focus on this moment; whatever is happening right now. Obviously meditation is a wonderful tool to bring you back to the moment, but for me, sometimes just talking a walk, listening to my desk fountain trickle, or just doing sun salutations helps me re-center and reconnect to this present moment!

Remember happiness and peace are not a destination but a journey. Enjoy the experience of being alive, and the myriad of emotions we have the pleasure of experiencing!

Tags: 101, change your mind, Happiness, happiness comes from the inside, how to be happy, lasting happiness, lasting peace, peace

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